Living in your own world

It is important having your own world, but is also important not to get lost in it. We all need a place where we can be alone and where we can be ourselves. We are not the people who everyone thinks we are. Even we are not often sure who we are. It is great when people know this and it doesn’t matter what everyone one tells them. It is important to have a place where you are number one priority and where you can get lost for a little bit and just clear your mind from everything is going on in your life. Otherwise at some point you will go crazy. It is important having a place where everything is perfect and you can forget for the rest of the world for a little bit. Where you are who ever you want to be and nobody can tell you anything.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you need to more realistic and serious. I am a realist as well, but I do have my own little perfect world where I am the girl I actually want to be and everything is in pink and purple. I would be really depressed if I focused only on the real negative world where there is a lot of evil happening. Whenever I start feeling sad I just go to my world and for a moment everything gets better and when you return to the world around you everything seems just a little bit better and not so awful.

Another thing you also need to remember is that it is great having your own world, but also no need to be careful not to get carried away and get lost in it. You need to know what is real and what is not because that may cost you a lot. Go for a little bit to your special place, but never forget to come back, otherwise you will just be lost and no one will know how to help you. You may even start losing friends just because you look like you’re living in another universe and no matter what you just can’t go back down to Earth. 

So, if you don’t have your own world, go on and create it right now. It is going to be possibly the only perfect thing in your life, but is all in your head so it can be whatever you want to be. The important thing is to know how to get back to reality whenever you start feeling better after visiting your special place. And if you do, go on, make it even more perfect, use it more often. You’re going to feel better and never listen to anyone who makes you stop having your own world.

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Is writing a real art?

  • Art itself is not what it used to be. Now we have way too many self-proclaimed artists. And I actually agree with that. I believe if you create your own something it should be concidered art. It doesn’t matter if it is just by you. If you keep going it will be for the rest of the world as well. Just don’t give up. 
  • We all know that painters, sculptors and musicians are artists, but what about photographers, singers, dancers and even writers? I had a conversation about what in life actually has meaning. And I said that if you create something and you can leave something after you’re gone, it has a meaning. The other person asked me to give an example and I said “For example writing”. And he said .. guess what!.. “Writing is not a real art” and in my head I had way too many question marks like “What is it then?” and “Have you read..ever?” or “Then what is concidered art by you”..

Why I think writing is a real art? Well, first of all I think we need to start calling everything that someone creates art. Not eveyone can sing, dance, draw, paint,etc, etc. But if you can do it then you have something special and you should not waste it.You should do it whenever you have time just to get things of your mind. I think everyone has something they can go to when they are stressed, have a bad day or just want to relax. If you create something that comes from your heart it should be called art because everyone is different and we need each others creations. That is why we need more artists. If you have a passion for something don’t be scared to do it it will be worth it in the end when you see how many smiles your creation has caused. 

So, why writing shouldn’t be a “real art”? When you write it comes from your heart and it goes to other people’s hearts. Creating your own story in a way that you get people interested is not that easy and not everyone can do it. For those who can, they shouldn’t stop doing it.Being relatable in a world where that is everything is also very needed for art and not everyone can be that. Putting together your words in a way where readers can feel your emotions and go trough the same thing you are going through in you writing is also a beautiful skill which not everyone has. 

We all need as many as possible creations just to forget how awful the world outside can be and actually focus on how beautiful art is to remind us that is not that bad. I don’t what do you think about that, but I think that everything that comes from your heart and in some way touches others should be called art.

A tiny step closer to happiness

If you want to achieve anything in life you have to start somewhere.In this case the first step is asking yourself if you are happy and if the answer is ”no” the following question is ”why?”.Whatever the reason is people tend to give more attention to the negative things and that is the problem. Think about the things you already have. If you have friends and family who love you, you have tо be the happiest person on the planet. One of the biggest problems is that is often taken for granted. We focus on the negative things and forget about the positive ones. It needs to be the opposite.The more positive thinking you do the more positive life you will have.Words have a powerful energy, but you can’t feel it every time, but instead of thinking how awful is everything look at the bright side.

The next step is removing negative people from your life. A lot of people are influenced by others and take their energy.Usually negative people give their energy to positive people and there is always someone who is never okay. It is hard to remove every single negative person because they are too many. It is important to learn how to not let them get to you. You build a wall and nothing negative can go trough. One of the most important things is that you and your feelings have to be your own priority. You need to know who you are and not let small things break you.

This is really just a tiny step to being happy, but it is important and if you want to go somewhere you always have to start at some point.

Can’t find yourself lost in your lies

It is really sad when you have been hurt so bad to the point that you can’t trust anyone anymore. To the point where you don’t to have a close person, you won’t let anyone know the real you and that is why you start lying. You lie to others, you lie about you, but you are just trying to fool yourself. You think you don’t need anyone and you can do everything by yourself, even if you know that is not true.There comes a time when you have told so many lies you don’t know who you are. And when the right person for you comes you won’t understand just from fear of being hurt again.It is sad because there are actually people who would do everything for you. They will put themselves second so you can be their first priority. But there is no why you will understand this because you are so used to telling a lie after lie as a defensive shield so you won’t let anyone in. At some point this person will get tired of doing absolutely everything for you and in return he receives only cold behavior. When this person finally leaves and you don’t find another one, you will understand that there was a person who really loves you no matter what but because of you fear of being hurt, you hurt the person who loved you the most and who would give everything for you in the same way that you have been hurt before. That led to you being caught in a web of lies. You will never escape you, you are way to used to it. Nothing, not even true love will save you from yourself. Just know that for the people that you hurt you are the person that are actually running from. Just like you they will probably never trust anyone again.. 

It does get better

I’m going to tell you a little bit more about myself. 

I am 18-years-old. I haven’t achieved much in the last 18 years because just recently I found out that not everything is so bad and awful and also that I actually have a passion and now I know what I want to do with my life

From ages 7-13 when I was growing up I was a really good girl and I always did whatever they tell me. I did what I had to, I did everything on time, everything was perfect. That made me fear making a mistake. All my life I have had problems with my self-esteem and I’ve never considered myself ”beautiful” or whatever. Other people helped believe that that was true and there is nothing good in me. I act like I don’t care, but it still hurts.. 

One day it was September again and I turned 14 and I had to switch schools.When I moved in the beginning everything was fine. With the time going by I became more anxious and I started thinking no one wants to talk with me no matter what the reason was. That’s why I didn’t talk to anyone. I distanced myself from everyone. I shut down. I was constantly thinking that if I wasn’t there it will be better for everyone. I couldn’t.. well I still can’t talk to my teachers and some of my classmates without shaking and worrying not to say something wrong . The first year was like that. Then I was in 9th grade.I was already mentally tired and I stopped caring about a lot of things. I wasn’t sad anymore. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. Everything was whatever. I just wanted everything to end. At that time a person came into my life. He made me fall in love for the first time and I was actually feeling something for the first time in a while. My biggest fear was losing him because if I did I was left with nothing. Of course that happened 2 years later. I was broken. I didn’t want to do anything. I was numb and everything was pointless.I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t sleep and that was until I got used to him not being there.

Exactly when I started getting better, I met my second love. Everything was perfect in the beginning, but I now I had a fear that it will happen like the last time. I was acting really cold, well when I had the chance. It didn’t work. I got even more attached, but now I knew that there will come a day when he will leave and I had to be fine with it. 

Now, a year later, I started realizing more important things. I realized there was actually one thing I really loved and it gave purpose to my useless up until now life (or what I thought).  And that is writing. When I write, that is me. No one can tell me anything and I like that. It was a way for me not to go crazy. If I hadn’t found out that I like doing it probably I was going to be insane now. I want to do that and actually use it in my life. The second important thing that I realized is that if you know who you are it doesn’t matter what anyone else is saying.It is important to know who you are and what you are capable of. I realized I don’t need anyone to feel ”beautiful” or to feel like I am worth it. I know who I am and I am perfectly fine alone. And the third really important thing is that there is always a way, not everything is as awful as I thought and there is a reason why we are on this planet. Some of us find it earlier, and some of us find it later. The most important thing is to never give up because there is a reason for you to be here. If you don’t know it right now, keep going and eventually you will find out.

I am tired

I am tired, you know? Not in that “I did a lot of things today and if I get some rest I will feel better” way. I am tired of my everyday life. I am tired of the same people. I am only 18 and already I don’t have the energy to deal with fake people. If you don’t have any intentions to be honest with me just leave. If you think I will run after you just to keep you in my life you better leave. I am at that point where I understand the only person I really need is me and I don’t have to deal with no ones bullshit. If you want me to be in your life just accept me for who I am. Accept that I need to be left alone from time to time. Accept that I will not always have what to say.Accept that I will not always show how much I care about you even if it’s true. And if you can’t, just leave. I am tired, you know?

I am an introvert

I am an introvert. I like being alone, but I don’t hate people. I am not always I just don’t know what to say. I need company as much as an extrovert does, but I prefer it smaller. I need friends as well, but 1 or 2 are enough if I know they are real. I don’t like being the center of attention.

I am an introvert. Don’t tell me I need to talk to you more. I talk as much as I want to whoever I want. If I don’t do it with you that says more about you. Don’t tell me “come, it will be fun”. I don’t know anyone there, I don’t think it will be fun. Don’t tell me “you need to spend more time with people”. I don’t want to. Don’t ask me every five minutes if am sad or if there is something wrong. I am not sad, everything is fine. Don’t ask me why I don’t talk. I don’t always have what to say or I just don’t want to draw attention to myself. Don’t ask me why I am alone. I like it that way.Don’t ask me why I don’t like people. I like them I just prefer them to be far away from me.

I am an introvert. I feel great when I can be left alone and just put on my favorite music and drown in my thoughts. Also, I do have feelings, I just can’t express them. My thoughts flow better while writing, not talking.

I am an introvert. Don’t try to “change me”. It won’t happen. I have lived my entire life that way and I am perfectly fine. Do you really think if I am forced to meet a lot of people something will change? The only thing that will happen will be just feeling really awkward.

I am an introvert. Please, don’t get mad at me when I tell you I need to be alone. I really need that time to restore my energy. Don’t think I don’t love you if don’t tell you something, I am just not really comfortable talking about it. If I ask you for a little alone time just give it to me. I don’t want anything else.
I am an introvert and I often use that as a defensive shield.I don’t let a lot of people get close to me, but if I let you in my world you will have a place there forever. I don’t trust people easily, but if you gain my trust it is really hard to lose it.

I don’t love everyone, but if I love you, I will love till the end 

 

Hello

I know this usually is someones first post, but it will be my third. 

So, hello. I am an 18-year-old girl. I live in Bulgaria (for now). I am shy and introverted and I can’t express my feelings so I do it trough my writings. I actually started writing about two years ago when I felt I have absolutely no one I can actually talk to. At some point I felt like I was going crazy I would explode if I don’t get my thoughts out of my system. That’s when I decided to try and write them down. It helped. I felt a lot better and normal again. Two years later I still don’t have a lot of friends and people I can talk to, but now I have writing. Every time something happens and I can’t tell anyone, I write it and I feel better again.

Also music is a big part of my life. I always listen to the lyrics of a song and a lot of them have actually helped me. Even if it is just to see that I am not the only one feeling this way and there is always hope. I also want some day to be that for someone with the things I write. I know it can be really hard to express what you are feeling so it will be great if someone finds themselves in some of my writings and maybe help them see they are not alone and even they may start thinking in a different way and know in the end it always gets better. 

For now this is from me.