I am done

Have you ever been so mad you feel like you actually might explode. Mad at your friends, at the whole world, but most of all at yourself for being everything you don’t want to be and no matter how hard you try you can never change it. 

All my life I have been told that if I don’t like something about myself I need to change it and when I finally decide to do that I start actually feeling worse than before. Also how to you change the whole person you are? What do you do when you don’t like the way you look, the way you talk, even the way you act when that is everything that makes you the person you are. When you actually decide to try and change because of the same people who told you that you should they start telling you that that is not you and start asking what are you doing.

“You know we are different in our own ways. You know we are there for each other no matter what. You know me better than I know myself and you know I have problems with expressing my feelings and attachments. Also, you know I do not do great with people so please don’t force me doing things I am not comfortable with. And when you start doing them with someone you actually like better because they are more fun or whatever just don’t tell I am the one who distanced myself and that I am the reason we lost touch. I am done with taking the blame for absolutely everything for the last 5 years and it doesn’t matter how hard I try to change or be the person you actually want me to be I can never make things right.” – to my best friend

I am done. I am done with trying to please everyone else. I am done with changing. I never felt better when that was the point. I am done trying to be someone I am not. I am done with taking the blame for everything. I am done feeling quilty for things I shouldn’t feel that way. I am done with always feeling not good enough. I am done with being mad at myself. I am done with hating myself. I am done with people who don’t want me in their lives the way I am. I am done with people who can not accept me. I am done.

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I am an introvert

I am an introvert. I like being alone, but I don’t hate people. I am not always I just don’t know what to say. I need company as much as an extrovert does, but I prefer it smaller. I need friends as well, but 1 or 2 are enough if I know they are real. I don’t like being the center of attention.

I am an introvert. Don’t tell me I need to talk to you more. I talk as much as I want to whoever I want. If I don’t do it with you that says more about you. Don’t tell me “come, it will be fun”. I don’t know anyone there, I don’t think it will be fun. Don’t tell me “you need to spend more time with people”. I don’t want to. Don’t ask me every five minutes if am sad or if there is something wrong. I am not sad, everything is fine. Don’t ask me why I don’t talk. I don’t always have what to say or I just don’t want to draw attention to myself. Don’t ask me why I am alone. I like it that way.Don’t ask me why I don’t like people. I like them I just prefer them to be far away from me.

I am an introvert. I feel great when I can be left alone and just put on my favorite music and drown in my thoughts. Also, I do have feelings, I just can’t express them. My thoughts flow better while writing, not talking.

I am an introvert. Don’t try to “change me”. It won’t happen. I have lived my entire life that way and I am perfectly fine. Do you really think if I am forced to meet a lot of people something will change? The only thing that will happen will be just feeling really awkward.

I am an introvert. Please, don’t get mad at me when I tell you I need to be alone. I really need that time to restore my energy. Don’t think I don’t love you if don’t tell you something, I am just not really comfortable talking about it. If I ask you for a little alone time just give it to me. I don’t want anything else.
I am an introvert and I often use that as a defensive shield.I don’t let a lot of people get close to me, but if I let you in my world you will have a place there forever. I don’t trust people easily, but if you gain my trust it is really hard to lose it.

I don’t love everyone, but if I love you, I will love till the end